This page provides a variety of resources relevant to cisgender wives of transgender women. If you have a reference you would like to have added please send your suggestion to Cheryl@cherylbthompson.com.
Websites
Advocates for Trans Equality (2026). https://transequality.org/resources/supporting-transgender-people-your-life-guide-being-good-ally : Whether you’re looking for information on supporting a transgender person in your life or helping to change the world to be better for transgender people overall, this guide can help.
Crose, A. (2016, November 17). How my sexuality changed after my husband became my wife, HuffPost, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-my-sexuality-changed-after-my-husband-became-my_b_582e1c74e4b08c963e343c7e : Although older, I found this website to be of value in my exploration of changes in my sexuality as my spouse transitioned.
Dorking, M. (2024, August 19). ‘My fiancée’ and I got married as wives after she came out as trans, Yahoo!Life, https://uk.style.yahoo.com/trans-woman-transition-married-wives-101831743.html
Estate Planning: Estate Planning is an important consideration for transgender couples. Planning nuances vary across type of relationship and location (state or country). A Google search such as “Estate planning for trans couples” or “Estate planning for trans couples living in Georgia” should lead you to current resources for your situation.
GLAAD (2022a, February 28). GLAAD Media Reference Guide, 11th edition. https://www.glaad.org/reference : GLAAD’s Media Reference Guide, now in its 11th edition, offers education and guidance on telling LGBTQ people’s stories in ways that bring out the best in journalism.
Heminsley, A. (2021, January 2). ‘From now on, I was in an LGBTQ+ family’ my husband came out as trans while I was on maternity leave. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jan/02/from-now-on-i-was-in-an-lgbtq-family-my-husband-came-out-as-trans-while-i-was-on-maternity-leave
Human Rights Campaign Foundation. (2022). Being an LGBTQ+ ally, https://reports.hrc.org/being-an-lgbtq-ally : Every person has their own journey in understanding what it means to support LGBTQ+ people, whether you’re LGBTQ+ or not. We hope this resource can help you begin that journey.
Lehigh Valley Transgender Renaissance (2026, May 25 – last viewed) Spouses & Significant Others, https://www.renaissancelv.org/spouses-significant-others
Marano, H. E. (2021, June 30). 10 tips for couples during gender transition, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fearless-you/202106/10-tips-couples-during-gender-transition : You may find some of these tips to be of assistance.
McMillan, J. (2024, June 20). How these couples made their marriage work after a gender transition, https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/how-these-couples-made-their-marriage-work-after-after-a-gender-transition. This website provides answers to many of the questions I had as my partner came out as trans.
PFLAG National. (2020). The guide to being a trans ally. PFLAG National Office. : PFLAG is creating a caring, just, and affirming world for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.
Rowello, L. (2020, June 17). I was a straight woman whose spouse came out as trans. It didn’t change a thing, The Washington Post, https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2020/06/17/im-straight-woman-whose-spouse-came-out-trans-it-didnt-change-thing/
Volpe, M. A. (2022, August 4). ‘My husband is now my wife’: Couple speak on marriage after transition, Newsweek, https://www.newsweek.com/lgbtq-couple-relationship-husband-transgender-1729705
YouTube Videos
I found a wide range of videos when searching YouTube with the search terms “Cisgender wives married to transwoman”. Changing my terms to wife and transwomen modified the results I received. I had time to watch the two two videos listed below (first of the three for the second site). These searches provided a range of videos, with information across ages, race, and appearance. You may be able to identify more.
My Girl Life Podcast (2025, July 26). Wife of Trans Women Shares Her Very Story . Video Podcast https://www.mygirllife.com/post/my-girl-life-podcast, Maddie of My Girl Life Podcast interviews a trans couple with a focus on the cisgender wife’s response to her spouse coming out as trans. Interview starts at 1:19 of 46:09 minutes. Their experience models that of Marcie and I in some ways.
Wives vs World (2020, July 14). www.youtube.com/@WivesVsWorld Danish queer couple out to educate and spread love! One is trans, one is cis (kinda), but we’re both ready to entertain and have a good time with you guys! : ) Their website contains a number of videos by this couple presenting both sides of their relationship. I haven’t found a good index for the videos. I was impressed with the first one I found where they discussed sexuality labels for couples such as themselves. I wish some of these had been available when my spouse came out as trans.
Blogs
McKnight, H. (2019, May 13). Ask Hannah’s wife.
https://hannahmcknight.org : Hannah’s site was one of the first I discovered in 2020 when I was looking for information. This post was from the perspective of Hannah’s wife so I have included it despite being older.
McKnight, H. (2024, November 22). ‘Inside my Husband’s Closet’, https://hannahmcknight.org/2024/11/22/inside-my-husbands-closet-2/ : In fall 2024 I approached Hannah McKnight to determine if she would be interested in a guest blog from a cisgender wife of a transwoman, similar to the post cited above. Hannah expressed interest and sought questions for me from her readership. This blog contains my responses to those questions. Some, but not all of the content is from my book “Inside my Husband’s Closet’. Thank you Hannah.
Hannah’s website design includes two pictures of my book at the top of the page. Scroll down to get to the text for the blog post.
McKnight, H. (Last viewed, 2026, May 27) Advice, Fashion, and Activism in the T-Girl World, https://hannahmcknight.org/?ct=t(HMcKnight_Article_2020422)&mc_cid=b95e715c70&mc_eid=b205d28bf4 : This is the home page for Hannah McKnight. This blog is written by a woman who’s gender identity has varied over the years to included cross dresser and transgender. Her blog goes back to August 2016. The content is varied but always of high quality. I include it here because it was an important resource for me when my wife came out and because Hannah has been writing for almost a decade. Hannah covers a wide range of topics relevant to the transgender community. She includes pictures from regular photo shoots of her dressed en femme, always tasteful but of interest to me to see what is possible for a transwoman.
Books: Perspective of Wife/Partner and Non-Trans Others
Boyd, H. (2003). My husband Betty: Love, sex, and life with a crossdressers. Seal Press. The first book I read written by the wife of a cross dresser.
Boyd, H. (2007). She’s not the man I married: My life with a transgender husband. Seal Press. A follow up to “My Husband Betty.
Erhardt, V. (2007). Head over heels: Wives who stay with cross-dressers and transsexuals. Routledge, Taylor, & Francis Group.
Fabian, H. F. (2014). My husband’s a woman now. Virtualbookworm.com Publishing.
Hays, C. (pen name). (2022). Letter to my transgender daughter. Blair.
Herzer, L. T. (2016). The Bible and the transgender experience: How scripture supports gender variance. Pilgrim Press. Written by a non transgender pastor who served a congregation including those identifying as trans men, trans women, cross-dressers or gender queer.
Johnson, J. & Garrison, B (Eds). (2015) Partners of Trans People on Intimacy, Challenge and Resilience, Transgress Press.
Johnson, P. A. (2023). Ever-expansive spirit of God: Hope for all who feel left out. ACTA Publications.
Knox, A. J. (2019). Love Lives Here. Penguin, Random House, Viking.
Books of Significance to Me
Boylan, J. (2013). She’s not there: A life in two genders, Broadway Paperbacks. A memoir from an academic who did not come out until mid-life. The book reads more like a novel in places.
Davis, C. O. (2021). The Queens’ English, Clarkson Potter/Publishers. A dictionary of sorts that helped me understand many of the resources I was finding on the LGBTQ community.
Gigl, Robyn (2021) By Way of Sorrow, Kensington Publishing Corp. A murder mystery where both the defendant and her attorney are transgender. The book does an excellent job of discussing many of the realities of those who are transgender and of their significant others.
Mardell, A. (2016), The ABC’s of LGBT+, Mango Media Inc. One of the books I used to explore my own sexuality.
Nutt, A. E. (2016) Becoming Nicole, Random House. The story of one member of a set of male twins who as a toddler insisted that he was a girl. The book covers her struggles up through her life as a young woman.
Vad-Menon, A. (2020). Beyond the gender binary, Penguin Random House. A reference for language related to the LGBTQ+ community. The biggest message I took away from the book was the fact that the language for this community varies by generation.
Williams, Paula Stone (2021) As a Woman: What I Learned about Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy after I Transitioned, ATRIA Press. This story was most impactful for me as Paula describes the challenges of growing up in an evangelical household.
This list is by no means all inclusive. Please click here to suggest additional resources